I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
