sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
