she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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