I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
