this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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