i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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