imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
