This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
