His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
