it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
