My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
