yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
