Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize