I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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