I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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