you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize