Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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