Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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