She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
