A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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