Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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