I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
