Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
