Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
