god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
