I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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