yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
