Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
