This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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