How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
