Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
