he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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