dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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