I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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