Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize