I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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