i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
