you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize