you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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