And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
