The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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