help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
