Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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