yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
