I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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