God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
