The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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