i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
