New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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