it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
