Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
