We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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