The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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