you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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