There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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