I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
