tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize