Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
