Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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