Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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