a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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