we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
