But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize