I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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