I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
