at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm like, not good at living.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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