I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
