You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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