Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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