Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize