my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
