I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
