if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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