well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize