I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
