The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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