normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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